I love how gorgeous Tyler looks in this photo. I was so sure I had posted it before, but I flipped through almost all of my previous posts and I didn't find it. That was hard too...going through the previous posts. When I got to the end, a.k.a. the beginning, Tyler was still alive and desperately wanting to get out of his hospital bed. He wanted to go home. I've said this a bazillion times, but I still can't believe he never left that hospital. He never even left the ICU.
I know I haven't been writing on this blog as much and I know some of you are disappointed. This started out as a way for me to communicate updates on Tyler's condition to friends and family, and after he died, it morphed into a form of grief therapy for me and those who read it. I've loved writing it and probably will continue to makes posts from time to time, but I don't know how often. It will happen when I feel the need to write about it and share those thoughts with others. I'm sorry if this is a let down to anyone, but grief is a living, breathing thing and it evolves. My grief over losing Tyler will always be with me...always...but it will change over time. That doesn't mean that I'm forgetting him. I still think about him daily. I still miss him just as much as I did on the first day he was no longer physically part of my world.
Today Martine and I were rearranging things in the closet and I found two t-shirts of Tyler's that I had kept. One I had given him just this past August. I had bought it for him when I was out on Catalina Island with some friends. I clutched both shirts tightly in my arms for a few seconds and then I cried. My tears over the loss of Tyler will always flow freely. I have felt no greater pain in my lifetime and the scars run deep, to the very core of my soul.
