A moment

This is another picture from Christmas 2007. Tyler had been recording video on his little point-and-shoot camera and we were looking at it. At the time, it was just a goofy thing we were doing for entertainment between hanging ornaments on the tree and taking sips of wine. I found those videos on his computer after he passed and they are now very precious to me. It's funny that something could seem so trivial in one moment, and then later become so significant it reduces me to rubble in an instant.

I had another moment like that last night. My love and I were watching The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. There's a scene toward the end where Peter has a sword fight with the evil king in an attempt to avoid a full-on battle between their armies. At one point they take a break from their fight and Peter is talking with his brother Edmund. He is trying to tell Edmund something just in case he doesn't emerge as the victor, and Edmund cuts him off and says, "You can tell me later." He then sends Peter back into the fight, confident that he will win. This moment was huge trigger for me and I started to cry. It reminded me of the morning of Tyler's surgery. He was telling me things he wanted me to know just in case he didn't make it through the surgery. I told him it wouldn't matter because he would be fine. I was so sure he would emerge as the victor in his fight. I know I said I had no regrets regarding him, but I guess I found one. Obviously I had no way of knowing the final outcome...and I know that. In hindsight I wish I'd let him finish. I wish I'd remained silent and listened to him talk.