This is me sitting on top of a beautiful red rock in Boynton Canyon (Sedona, Arizona) with the tin containing Tyler's ashes resting on my knee. Sunday, March 15, 2009, me and 10 other family members hiked up the Boynton Canyon Trail with the intention of releasing his ashes. When this photo was taken, we were all sitting, waiting for the right moment to set him free. That day was particularly hard for me, as it felt like saying goodbye all over again. All the emotions came back up to the surface. I felt like I did the day he died, and I kept seeing his face and how it looked that night in the hospital as the life left his body. It STILL doesn't seem real to me. I can sit here right now and think about the fact that I will never see him again, and it just doesn't seem possible. I cried twice in the car on the way to Sedona. I cried as I was hiking up the canyon with his ashes in my backpack. I cried as I sat on this rock, contemplating what I was about to do. 'It's where he wanted to be...," I thought to myself. He wanted to be in Arizona.
We picked Sedona for it's amazing beauty and energy, and we picked Boynton Canyon because it's the location of an energy vortex. There are 4 in Sedona. It seemed like a good final resting place for what remained of his physical being. After sitting and standing in various spots on the big red rock, I decided it was too crowded with hikers and went around to the other side of it. Everyone followed. I went out on to a flat rocky ledge with my mom and dad behind me. I could hear them crying and it broke my heart...again. My dad read aloud a quote from Tyler, "My 'church' is beside a river in the middle of a forest, or the desert at sunrise/sunset. ‘God’ talks to me when the wind blows across my body and I close my eyes, or when it starts to rain and the sounds from that fill the air." I removed the bag of ashes from the tin, tested the wind, and in three or four motions, I emptied the bag into the wind.
Martine got the whole thing on video and I will be posting that on this blog at some point. I know some of you wanted to be there and could not, so hopefully the video will make you feel like you were a part of it.
I hope he is happy with the view. It was beautiful, as was the day, as is his spirit.
Tyler - You are always with me, always in my heart, always on my mind, forever a part of my soul. I love you.
3 comments:
beautiful baby....and what an amazing day it was, to watch his ashes spread out across the red rocks and color the earth. It was really a beautiful moment, with a beautiful view, on a beautiful warm day standing next to the beautiful woman that i love and adore..
That must have been a wonderful, horrible, exhilarating, exhausting, cathartic, inspiring, disillusioning, painful, and love filled trip/moment. I would have loved to have been there, but that would not have been possible. Thank you so much for taking us there with you and sharing your love. My heart breaks for your parents and you.
That void of unrequited love will remain....
Peace and prayers to you and yours, and all of the others who love Tyler.
Sincerely,
Tracy
The fact you could 'part' with the physical being speaks volumes of your love for Tyler. I've seen the "spot" you're referring to, and it is gorgeous. No, not the 'exact' spot, but the spot busy with hikers. I'm sure somewhere / somehow he knew you'd round that corner. As lucky as you are to have had him in your life for 36 years, rest assured he knew the same about you.
-A
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