This is Tyler sleeping in a chair at our dad's house in Medford, Oregon. I think he was about 16 or 17 in this picture. So cute and so peaceful. He looked similar the night he died, a little older and a little wiser, but at peace...finally.
I still feel like I'm being punched in the stomach when I think about the fact that he's really gone. I don't know how long that will last. Hopefully it will lessen over time. I'll always miss him more than I can say, but maybe, eventually, it won't hurt so much. Some nights I dream about him. We're not doing anything in particular, just hanging out together. When I wake up, the realization that he's gone hits even harder. He was just here with me, laughing and joking, being the smart ass I know and love. What happened? I just want to keep on dreaming.
We're planning a trip to Arizona to scatter Tyler's ashes. He had wanted to move there for years, so we're going to take him there. That will be another in a long line of difficult moments. It will be like saying goodbye to him...again...and I'm really tired of saying that. At least he will finally be where he wanted be and that gives me a little bit of happiness.
3 comments:
The sadness will never go away, but the intensity will lessen over time and become more tolerable. You will always miss him, but it will some day be easier. Cherish your dreams, they make your time in the conscious world without him less painful.
This picture of Tyler made me cry. Such a lovely boy...he'll fit in well in heaven.
I couldn't help but smile at this photo. This is how I remember Tyler, a funny, long, teenager.
Thinking of you...
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