I can't believe it has been a month since I've written on this blog. Obviously I still think about him every day and I still see him everywhere I go. Today I walked down the hall to hang up some towels and I glanced into the last room he slept in before going into the hospital. The reaction was instantaneous...tears. I woke up this morning shaking from a dream I was having about him. I guess it was more of a flashback of me standing over him, sobbing, watching him die before my eyes and not being able to do anything to stop it.
I STILL have trouble uttering, or even thinking, the words "my brother died." We walked through Hope Cemetery when we were in Vermont. There were a lot of amazing statues and elaborately carved headstones...and then there was this one. It said "TYLER" across the middle of it. By that point I was already overwhelmed by the feeling of death all around me and it's even more poignant now that Tyler is gone. I'm over-sensitive to the subject of death. Actually, I'm overly sensitive in general...I think. There it was in front of me...TYLER...carved in stone. Gone from my world. It's still unbelievable to me.
2 comments:
sending you light and love. We are eternal. A stone represents history and memories. I think it is no coincidence that you walked where you walked in Hope cemetery and came across that head stone. I believe he is saying he is with you. He carries all the memories new and old and digs Vermont.
The longing for the physical presence of those we lose is so hard.
I hope you find some peace in knowing he is near you always.
love and light my friend.
it just doesn't make any sense....sad, so sad. Such an amazing life....
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