This is kind of a weird picture, I know. It was a picture of Tyler with some of his friends. I don't mean any offense to anyone by erasing, or cropping, them out in Photoshop; I just wanted to put up this picture of Tyler. He's been weighing heavily on my mind over the last couple of days and we had a long conversation today with a friend who is a nurse. We had never told her what happened after he went into the hospital for surgery. All she knew was that he went in and never left. It brought up a swirl of emotions that have been...resting...for a while. We told Sherry and Lisa the story about what happened and I got angry again. I'm angry in general for losing him far too soon, but when I talk about to possibility that it was a doctor's negligence that ultimately caused his death, I get REALLY angry.
Martine and I have been talking lately about possibly buying a fixer-upper house and spending some time working on it, making it pretty, making it a reflection of us...making it ours. This is something Tyler could have helped us do and he would have enjoyed doing it. It makes me really sad that we won't have the pleasure of his company, and the addition of his skills and ideas. It makes me sad that he won't be standing up with me when Martine and I get married.
We were riding a bike trail today near Lockport, Illinois and I saw passed a sign that had his name on it. Like I said, he's been very present the past couple of days and I felt the need to write about it.
My little brother, my friend, my confidant, my rock...he was taken from me too soon. I'm angry; I'm pissed; I shake my head in disbelief every time I think about it. It's not fair. I know life isn't fair, but this really takes the cake...
Peace on ya.
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing this! I'm sure I'm not the only one who routinely checks this site. Healing is such a process... I hope you find peace in the many things you're doing these days, and in knowing how proud of you he would be.
Coming to terms with the death of someone you love so deeply is a process. I went through patches when I thought I had it all together and then in the next moment, something would remind me of my loved one and everything would come crashing down.
As you start to heal, the time between bumpy spots will become longer and longer until finally the good memories will fill your thoughts more than the painful ones.
Take good care.
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