This picture was taken the week before Tyler had surgery. It may have even been the day before. I can't remember now. The pictures taken on that day are sometimes harder to look at than any other pictures I have of Tyler. (The ones of him as a small child are a close second though.) I think back to how I felt during that week. I was nervous but very optimistic. Somehow being around him, and being around all the other mostly hopeful family members, made me think it would all turn out fine. The night I found out about his tumor I was at work. I think I was in shock after the phone call from my mom. I went out with a friend after work and we toasted to Tyler with a shot of tequila. When I got home, I completely lost my composure. Actually, I think I lost it in the car on the way home. I cried harder that night than I ever have...at least up until that point in my life. I just had a really bad gut feeling that night. Little did I know just how accurate that feeling was.
I found an old friend or family friend, or...well, I'm not sure what to call him. We recently reconnected on Facebook and he sent me a message about Tyler. He had lost his sister in 2007 and he had the same kind of relationship with her that I had with Tyler. He said, "She was the closest person to me on the planet from whose loss I will never recover in this lifetime. That closeness was evident to anyone who had the privilege of spending 1 minute around you and Tyler together. So I figure if there's anyone that can feel my pain it would be you. I send you love, and and open offering of anything I can do to help. If nothing else I lend my ear if at anytime you just need someone to listen." He also said, "Your brother was a wonderful, wonderful man with whom I've never had one ill moment, and whose company I enjoyed immensely." Reading his message made me cry. It was nice to connect with someone who knows exactly what I'm feeling. If you're reading this blog, you know who you are and I thank you for reaching out.
I want to send out many thanks again to my friends and family for their continued support. It means the world to me. You know who you are!!!
3 comments:
Didi-
I would love to know who that was - that was a very nice message. Hope you are doing well - we are leaving tomorrow morning for Kauai in Hawaii, and I hope that the sunshine, the warmth, and getting away, will relieve the pain of this grief for at least a while. My blood pressure is way up, and it is somewhat concerning to Ron and I. I love you so much, and hope I will see you soon. Mom
This blog still has a way of stopping me in my tracks. With grief as well as with postive thoughts for being a better 'me'. Your willingness to take us on this journey with you will continue to change many for the better! Much energy your way!
I hate to be so selfish, but I cannot stop myself from saying how much I miss your posts, comments, photos, and stories. I have refrained from commenting on before now, but find I'd be too cautious to say nothing.
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