Tyler's birthday is January 21st. He would have turned 37 this year. It breaks my heart every time I think about it and the tears come instantly. I was getting ready for work today and I had to choke back a sob that spontaneously came out of me. I know I've said this a million times, but I still can't believe he's gone. I came across some photos of me on Facebook that Tyler had added and tagged. He had put captions on a lot of them and that made me laugh. Some of the pictures even had comments on them where we had made smart ass remarks to each other about the content. That made me cry. I sit here now and shake my head in disbelief. How did this happen? I'll never know, but I'll continue to ask.
To celebrate Tyler's life on his birthday, my mom and step-dad came up with an idea to light a candle and let it burn down until it goes out on its own. They are asking friends and family to do the same. Their candle will be lit at about 5pm Indiana time. That's 2pm on the West coast, 3pm in Phoenix and Edmonton, 4pm in Chicago...you can figure out the rest from there. If this is something you want to do, I encourage you to do it. I'm not sure lighting a candle is the right thing for me. I mean no offense to my parents, or anyone else, by saying that. Tyler's memory burns strong in my heart and it will never be extinguished. I just don't think I can light a candle and watch it burn out. It's too symbolic of what is gone, not what remains. I am planning my own ceremony of sorts, with Martine. We're going to hike up to the top of a hill that overlooks the San Fernando Valley. Some would call it a mountain, but I've been told by the locals that it's just a hill. Believe me, it feels like a mountain when I'm hiking to the top. Tyler will be with me as I trudge up that steep incline. I'm not sure what that trek will hold for me when I get to the top, but it will bring me symbolically closer to him. That's where I want to be on that day of his birth.
Whether you decide to light a candle, hike to the top of a mountain, or come up with your own way of remembering Tyler's birthday, I thank you for loving him and honoring him with your memories.
4 comments:
Didi-
The lighting of the candle to me does not sumbolize his life going out, but the celebration of his birthday that he will see from wherever he is, the more candles the brighter the celebration. i am sorry it seem different to you. Anywy, that's the way I interpret it. Mom
i like lighting candles on birthdays and will have one lit for Ty. I lit one for him on new years eve. Light really is everlasting and i do it for my own reasons. I also put a glass of water out for the spirit. water is symbolic to me and the natives.
I hope you have a blessed day and one you hold in your heart for many reasons.
Peace n blessings to you... Xo KC
I see this from all views. Thank you for lighting your candles. I hope Tyler can look down and see all the candles burning for him.
Peace and love,
D
The todds will be lighting candles for our tyler...the brightness of the flame will remind us all of the light in his soul...happy birthday tyler...we love you!
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