So I'm sitting in an all employee meeting today at work. We have one every year about this time to go over benefits changes, profit-sharing, company news and other tid-bits. Today each employee was given a baseball cap with the new Chace (Chace Productions is where I work) logo on it. 2009 is the company's 25 year anniversary, so we're launching a new image/website, etc. Anyway, for those of you wondering...getting the hat was not my poignant moment. If it was, then it would be my hope you would ALL stop reading this blog. :-)
I digress...
The poignant moment occurred when they were talking about our benefits and they mentioned life insurance. I had forgotten we even had that benefit and I had a sudden realization that I had put Tyler down as my beneficiary when I filled out the form back in December 2007. I felt sick. I had similar moments when I saw Ty's email addresses in my gmail contacts and his name in my cell phone contacts. Deleting or changing those things feels like a betrayal, but I keep telling myself I need to do it. It's so hard to accept the reality of it. I guess I'm still in the denial phase and that means I've got a long way to go in my process. I know I'll cry over that damn beneficiary form when I fill out the new one and, frankly...it sucks.
The picture above is of a photo collage that we (mainly Martine and I, but my dad and Ginny helped in the final phase) created for Tyler's 'Celebration of Life' event. So many memories are captured on that canvas. He was such a beautiful soul and I dread all the poignant moments like the one that occurred today. I hope those moments are eventually balanced with the 'good memory' moments...remembering the laughter and heart-to-heart talks I had with him.
Peace.
3 comments:
I sooo relate to your posts. I can't bring myself to delete Dad's e-mail address or cell phone and office numbers from my various devices. I know there are voicemails stored on home and cell phones...and can't bear to listen to them just now. I miss him so much and it catches me off guard, sometimes...it's the little things.
This blog has taken me from totally miserable to mainly miserable... I hope you get some of the same relief from keeping it going.
One of my most poignant moments came Tuesday, after Tyler's service. I was scanning the profiles and faces of all the people I share the road with every day...I realized I had been doing this for YEARS....just waiting for the "chance" encounter with the one and only TFW. I still look, not believing...just wishing.
Post a Comment